THE TOOTH – Mission mishaps and divine disasters

Please contact Mike at thirdwayinfo@gmail.com to order your copy – R90.00 per book plus postage.

Here is an excerpt from the book

“SHANKS” (page 87) by Mike

Traveling by train in Egypt is an unforgettable experience. With the Nile on one side, the desert on the other and small villages in between, it is like moving through the Bible from one stop to the next.   But you need to be prepared.

First Class tickets are relatively cheap and a good choice, although Second Class will more than suffice for many.  The main difference between First and Second class is less about seating and space than it is about hygiene, sanitation and, of course, toilets.  International travellers probably won’t want to experience anything below Second Class (the condition and provision of toilets, for example, drops away quickly after this level).

When traveling with a young adult’s group from the Eastern Cape in South Africa we took the 10-hour train journey from Cairo to Luxor. We were unable to obtain first class tickets but were fortunate enough to travel in second class.  One of our group, a lovely young man by the name of Ronald, had limited mobility and had to travel in a wheelchair. We were all amazed at his courage for attempting every challenge with joy and enthusiasm. He was very independent and even attempted to ride on a camel when we visited the pyramids

Traveling  on the train for 10 hours inevitably means that you will need to face the challenging prospect of going to the toilet sooner or later. Toilet facilities on Egyptian trains are at best rudimentary. They are small, dirty, most of the time without running water and extremely smelly and a challenge for any physically able person.  Ronald had the added challenge of having to park his wheelchair outside the small compartment and then trying to manoeuvre himself inside the room using the little use of his legs that he had.

When it was Ronald’s time to go, we helped him to the door, helped him inside and then waited for him to finish.

Ronald took a little longer than usual, but this was to be expected and we waited patiently.  We suddenly heard a loud scream, and then complete silence. Water came trickling under the door of the compartment and we knew Ronald was in trouble. We anxiously knocked on the door and pushed it open, only to find Ronald dripping wet from head to toe

Ronald’s curiosity got the better of him. He saw the small waterpipe sticking out from the bottom of the toilet and decided to investigate. Because the train sewer system can’t handle paper, a bidet or small water hose, is fixed inside the toilet for cleaning oneself with water after using the toilet (instead of toilet paper)  These showers can be quite potent if the tap is turned open completely.  Which is exactly what the unfortunate and unsuspecting Ronald did.  He leaned over the toilet with his face close to the pipe that was sticking out from the bottom of the toilet and then turned the tap next to the toilet while looking at the bidet shower. The little pipe squirted not only water into his face but also the contents of the toilet and drenched him in one go.

Ronald was now dripping wet from head to toe, and  that day he got the nickname  that still sticks (!) with him today:  SHANKS – The Commercial Toilet and Sanitary Ware Brand you can trust since 1817.

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THE TOOTH gives an honest, lighter, and humorous insight into our many life experiences and mishaps in a less than perfect world.  It shares those magic moments of laughter that we encountered in more than 40 years of serving the persecuted Church.

Working in restricted regions, under an ever-present cloud of suffering, sometimes felt like swimming under water. These encounters did not minimize the pressures, but it helped us to breathe.  Every moment of laughter gave us breath to dive deep again.  Some of the incidents might seem silly and even irrelevant in the bigger scheme of things, but it provided oxygen to continue over and over again.

Here are some of the stories that kept us breathing

• The tooth…
• FLYING FOUL-UPS:  The Baroness and the Dummkopf, FREEZE!
• SPEAKING SLIP-UPS:  Eutychus, Somniloquy, Spoonerism, Malapropism
• HOSPITALITY HANG-UPS:  The cabin in the woods, The Ice Queen, For queen and country, When the poo hits the fan
• BEDTIME BLOOPERS:  The line, the switch, and the wardrobe, I came, I saw, I concurred,
• SHORT-TERM SHAMBLES:  Kidnapped, A priestly ascension, Petit France, Mon ami, Nun of your business, All aboard!, A headache on my tummy
• BATHROOM BLUNDERS: No leg to stand on, Shanks, Holy confusion
• LINGUISTIC LAPSES: The officer and the gentleman, Aunty Jibble,
• OFFICE OBSCURITIES: The (nearly) naked truth, The jinxed office
• FUNDRAISING FUMBLES: Tea for two, The potjie, Oops!, Blargh!
• PUNCTUAL PITFALLS: Strangers and spies, Mistaken identity
• GENEROUS GOOF-UPS: Liar,liar!”, Cowboys and Indians, Last year this time, Viva Brazil viva!, Flying carpet
• FINALLY: Laughing gas

Please contact Mike at thirdwayinfo@gmail.com to order your copy – R90.00 per book plus postage